Tidal Waves
by kinkylittlered
Summary: Written for hs bingo. Sam attempts to achieve Dean's attention by trying out for track. However, he soon finds himself in an awkward position.  Wincest! Slash! Weechesters, Dean 18, Sam 14.
1. Chapter 1

Sam Winchester often found himself seeking the attention of his older brother, Dean. At fourteen Sam's thoughts should have been filled with thoughts of girls and the ever constant load of homework, instead it was filled with Dean, always Dean, the handsome older brother. Dean was a senior and possibly the coolest guy in school; his green eyes and freckles had girls throwing themselves at his feet. Sam on the other hand was still too thin, too tall and all around too awkward to have a chance at popularity. Although, his brother did take good care of him, Sam couldn't help but crave something more. He wanted that familiar contact of lying in the same bed, the way his brother would hold him when he was small and make the nightmares disappear.

The ideal way to achieve Dean's attention typically centered on physical activity of any sort, it helped that Sam was in better shape and more capable than most boys his age but he lacked real skill in any sport. Naturally, this left track to attract his brother's attention, and to obtain some social status beyond being the cool guys younger brother. Sam sighed deeply as he stepped onto the warm blacktop, the sun beating down on his messy brown mop of hair. A wave of anxiety filled him as he stared at the many upper classman already stretching on the asphalt. Sam couldn't help but feel small, even at his height of 5'6 these boys towered over him.

While stretching his legs Sam scanned the small crowd for Dean, finding him flirting with a cute blond girl and ignoring the event completely. Sam couldn't tide the wave of anger that filled him as he thought of his brother kissing perfectly glossed lips. Sam wanted to take the place of those girls; he wanted to be the apple of Dean's eye. After all, they would be stuck together for the rest of their life, never able to leave the family and never able to give up the quest for vengeance. Sam was the only one Dean could ever trust, the only one Dean could share all of his secrets with.

Sam let the angry thoughts of Dean propel him through the tryouts, each breath of air burning down his throat while each press of Dean sculpted lips to delicate pink ones drove Sam's legs to move faster. The burning spread, his legs and lungs burning as he rounded the corner to finish yet another lap. Sam felt a sudden whoosh of air and then a loud scream that he barely recognized as his own before agonizing pain shot up his leg and his vision swirled with spots. Each breath felt labored, his lungs fighting to intake as much air as possible. A deep voice cleared the hazy clouds hanging over his mind, bright green eyes shining directly over him.

"Sammy?" The angelic voice called to him, his body instantly reacting and reaching out for Dean. "Hey, man you really took a fall there. I think you hit your head pretty hard. What happened?"

"I…my knee hurts pretty bad." Sam's voice was just above a whisper, his eyes locked on Dean.

"You probably pulled it out or something. Here, I'm going to pick you up so I can take you home and look."

"No." Sam's voice was stern, determination filling his voice.

"What? Why not? You can't walk dude." Dean raised a confused eyebrow, clearly unsure why Sam wouldn't want to go home.

"I'm going to get so much shit if you _carry _me anywhere. Please just leave me to die."

"Your not going to die and you know damn well I'd never leave you. You're my brother and if I have to I will knock your stubborn ass out. One way or another I am carrying you off this asphalt."

Dean only chuckled at the pout on Sam's lip and the deep blush that crossed his features as he was pulled into his brother's arms. The pull upwards as Dean moved to stand sent waves of pain through his leg and sent a rush to his head. Dean grunted an apology as he walked one step at a time to the impala, which was fortunately parked close to the track. Sam could hear cheers from the crowd, Dean appearing to be a hero and his brother an even bigger loser. Sam clenched his eyes closed and didn't open them until he heard the familiar creaking as the impala door opened. The feel of leather soothed him slightly, his eyes staring up at his brother. A five o'clock shadow covered Dean's jaw, his familiar leather jacket covering his arms and a playful smile teasing across perfect lips.

"What? You expecting a kiss or something from you hero?" Dean laughed as he gently set Sam down, immediately pulling away and moving to the driver's side. Sam's eyes followed his every move, his mind stuck on the thought of those perfect lips touching his own.

"Dude, what is your problem? Why did you push yourself that hard? I mean you out ran guys my age, you didn't need to push yourself that hard just to get on the team."

"I just wanted you to be proud, to notice me." Sam's eyes shifted to the window, watching as the world flew by.

"I notice you and I am proud of you. Why would you think otherwise?" Dean's hand slipped across the seat to squeeze Sam's thigh in an attempt to comfort his distressed brother.

"I…you are always with some girl and I just wanted something that we could talk about. I wanted to find something that we have in common."

"We have lots of things in common, I mean sure we like different music and you like school shit but I practically raised you. I'm sure we have loads of things in common; we just know each other too well to notice anymore." Dean shrugged as he smiled thoughtfully.

The car pulled into the parking lot of the slightly dilapidated motel. Sam pulled his door open the moment the car pulled to a stop, hesitating only when sparks of pain breezed through his leg. Silently he cursed his injury and the fact that he would once again be pulled into his brother's arms. The thought sent odd sparks through Sam, instantly sending heat through him. Sam once again thought of his brother's lips, of the sliding of skin and the sensation of fingertips sliding down his chest. Suddenly half hard and dreading his brother's help, Sam wanted to disappear. Moving as quickly as he could, Sam pulled himself from the car. Jumping on one leg and using his arm to keep him carefully propped up, Sam made his way to the front of the impala. His head was swirling and he didn't notice the curb until he was toppling over.

Dean's arms wrapped tight around him, keeping him from meeting the hard pavement. He shook his head slightly before moving his hands just under Sam's ass and pulling him up. Sam's uninjured leg naturally wrapped around Dean's waist and he couldn't help but feel like a child again. Still, there was the heat in his cock as his body pressed up against Dean's. The friction of Dean's legs moving under them sent shock waves through Sam, his fingers digging into his brother's shoulders. As Dean unlocked the door Sam tried to pull away, afraid that he would notice the hard line in his pants. Dean stopped the movement by pulling Sam closer with one arm as his other fumbled with the lock. After a battle Dean finally pushed the door open, kicking it shut behind him as he walked to the bed and set Sam down as gently as possible.

"What the fuck?" Dean's voice was thick, his eyes blazing as he stared down at his younger brother, his eyes skittering down to the hard length straining against his jeans.

"I um teenage hormones?" Sam laughed awkwardly, his hand covering his groin.

"Sam, I have teenage hormones to and I don't have a boner right now." Dean shook his head as he moved to sit next to Sam.

"But, you have had a lot more experience than I have. I mean I've only kissed one girl and um I've never even been touched there."

"Touched where?" Dean's hand slid up Sam's thigh, his fingers sliding over the seam and the raging hardness pressing against it. "Here?"

Sam's breath caught as his brother touched him, his mind swirling as he considered the sensations washing through him. His hips stuttered up, experimentally pressing against his brother's fingertips. The feeling of Dean dragging his zipper down sent sparks through Sam, each click of the teeth like torture until Sam was nearly begging for relief. Dean's hand slid slowly under his boxers, stroking his way up the hard flesh until he reached the head. Gathering precome on his finertips, Dean pulled his hand free from Sam's jeans and pushed his fingers greedily into his mouth, savoring the flavor of Sam.

"Dean…please, I need…I need something." Sam's voice was deep and shaking, his hips rolling into air.

"Touch yourself Sammy. I wanna see you fuck your hand." Dean took Sam's hand in his own and pushed it down to his member.

Sam began to stroke himself, squeezing his dick with each fast pull as he watched Dean take it all in. Gasping as he felt the familiar pull in his balls and coiling in his stomach, Sam came with a deep moan, Dean's name falling over and over from his lips. Eyes still locked on Dean, Sam released his soft dick. Sam's hand was covered in spunk and he couldn't help but whimper as Dean pulled his hand to his mouth. Each kitten lick of Dean's tongue sent new shivers through Sam, a small moan crossing his lips.

"God you taste good Sammy, so good." Dean moaned as he let his brother's hand fall away.

Dean began to stroke himself, his eyes staring deep into Sam's as he imagined laying his brother out before him and fucking him into the bed. Each pull of his hand matched each thrust in his mind until he came with a shout. Dean collapsed next to Sam, pulling his brother to lie down next to him. His breathing was raging and he couldn't help but laugh at how quickly he had come.

"You turn me into a school girl, I never come that quickly." Dean rolled over to stare at Sam, his hand ghosting over Sam's protruding ribs. "I think you're right, I do need to give you more attention. I'll be sure to do that."

A/N: If you would like me to continue please give me some feedback. Feedback makes fangirls do happy dances…you want me to do a happy dance right?


	2. Chapter 2

Sam was becoming desperate for attention, for Dean to touch him. The problem was his father and his lack of cases. Most of his father's time was now spent sorting through papers and letters, searching for any lead on the thing that had killed Mary. Sam on the other hand simply wanted the man to go away again so that he could slip into Dean's arms and explore his brother's body. Fortunately Dean was smart enough not to touch Sam at all when in the presence of their father, in fact he wouldn't even risk his father coming home to find them kissing. When John finally announced that they were leaving, heading out to another town it was Dean who suggested that he and Sam finish the year out and then join their father for the summer.

"Sir, Sam is doing very well at this school. He is on the track team and he has mentioned running for student council. I think it would be pointless for us to move to a new town while we wait for you to return to the motel room."

"Dean, I can't leave you boys alone for the next few weeks while I solve this string of murders and kill whatever creature is out there."

"I'm already eighteen, I can take care of Sam while you are away. You can send money when you can and I can work when you can't. Hell, I can hustle some pool too."

"Son, it isn't safe. I can't risk loosing you boys." His father's voice was stern but his eyes looked almost relieved, as though he didn't want to bring his sons at all.

"Dad, it is for Sam." Dean's eyes shifted to the boy sitting on the couch, homework surrounding him.

"Fine. If you have any problems I want you to call me. Keep the protection up, and always salt everything."

With that his father was gone, off to face yet another monster killing the innocent. Dean's eyes shifted over to Sam as heard the familiar roar of his father's truck. Suddenly Dean felt as though he would explode if his hands weren't exploring Sam's body. Licking his lips Dean moved to sit next to Sam, his eyes lingering on his brother's crotch. Letting his hand slip over the rough fabric of the couch, Dean ran his hand up and down his brother's thigh. Each pass he moved closer to the inseam of Sam's jeans, palming at Sam's hard length before moving away to rub his leg again. Small whimpers fell from Sam's open lips, his hips rolling up into Dean's touch.

"Dean…need you." The words sent sparks down Dean's spine and his length thickened.

"What do ya want Sammy?" The words were practically slurred out, his voice deep and thick with lust.

"I…you said you'd fuck me." A blush crossed Sam's features, his eyes closed as he palmed himself to relieve the pressure.

"Are you…sure?" Dean could hardly force the words out, afraid that Sam would change his mind.

Sam only nodded, his hand moving to push Dean's shirt up his chest, revealing defined abs and tan skin. Smiling shyly, Sam moved to straddle Dean, his ass grinding down on Dean through the layers separating them. Pulling his own shirt off and letting it drop to the ground Sam leaned forward and pressed his lips roughly against Dean's. For a brief moment Sam felt as though he was in heaven, like he had found his place in the world. All too soon, Dean pulled his lips away, pulling himself from the couch with Sam still wrapped around his body. Dean let Sam drop softly onto the bed, his legs falling wide and open as Dean stared down at him. Moving quickly Dean pulled his brother's pants and boxers free, revealing his swollen cock. Sucking in a deep breath, Dean freed himself of his own clothes, his eyes still locked on Sam's body.

All at once Dean wanted to just push into Sam, to fuck him long and hard into the mattress and prove once and for all the Sam was his, only his. Instead, Dean forced himself to reach into his bag, rummaging around for lube. Breathing out heavily, Sam flipped over, his ass perfectly displayed for Dean. Walking over slowly, Dean let his eyes take in the perfect exposed skin. Hands roaming over Sam's firm cheeks, Dean spread them before playfully running a finger over the tight hole. Slickening his fingers he slowly let on slide in, the resistance earning a moan from both brothers. Pushing passed the resistance, Dean's finger slid all the way in. Exploring Sam's inner walls, Dean knew he had found the spot when he heard a gasp from Sam followed by shudders. Pushing in yet another finger, dean began to scissor and stretch his brother's hole.

"Dean, fuck me, please? I need you inside of me." Sam's voice shook as he begged, rolling his hips back onto Dean's fingers.

"Ya, uh okay Sammy." Dean pulled his fingers free, wiping them on the sheets.

Dean ran a slickened hand up his cock before positioning it against Sam's hole. Pushing in, Dean nearly came as the tight heat pulled the head of his cock deeper. Pausing while Sam adjusted to the new thickness, Dean's hand circled around Sam's heavy cock, pulling up in lazy movements. When Sam began rolling back onto Dean, taking him deeper, he pushed forward. With one thrust Dean was balls deep in his brother, his breath raging against Sam's neck as he pressed small kiss against the flushed skin.

"God, I love you Sammy. You're my Sammy. Say it, say your all mine"

"Y…yours." Sammy said, his internal muscles clenching around Dean's prick. "Fuck, move De."

Dean pulled out until the head of his cock caught the tight ring of muscle, slamming back in Dean set a brutal pace as he fucked Sam into the mattress, his head pressed against the rough material as Dean pulled his hips back to meet each thrust. Dean grunted as he felt the familiar tug in his balls, and wrapped his hand around his little brother's dick, jacking him to finish. As Sam's muscles fluttered around Dean, spunk covering his hand, he unloaded inside of his brother with a final moan. Falling against his brother's back, Dean remained buried inside as he sighed sleepily.

"Sammy I love you."

"I've always loved you Dean, you're my first love and you'll be my last. I'm all yours."

A/N: More plot does come in soon hhah had to have some first *** wink ***


	3. Chapter 3

Time held very little meaning for Sam, the weeks and months marked only by schoolwork and time away from John Winchester. Interactions between the two brothers constantly held undertones and motives, each brush of hands as simple reminder of the reality of their relationship. Each new school provided the much-needed escape from the questioning eyes of other students. As it turned out, teenagers were not blind and saw right through the brothers' disguise, even when Dean no longer attended school. By the time Sam Winchester's sophomore year rolled around he had already adjusted to the constant need to touch Dean, he already knew the curves of his brother's firm muscle and the muted sounds of their sin. Sam _knew _Dean; the fact of the matter was that Sam couldn't imagine life without his brother, which only led to pain when Dean began to join his father on hunts.

Sam cried the first night he spent away from Dean, loneliness mixing with his fears of loosing Dean. The second night Sam had fingered himself open while imagining his brother and by the time the third night rolled around, Sam began to accept that his brother's attention would never be only his. With Dean constantly fighting the monster in the closet Sam bean to focus on school, to earn perfect grades and to prepare for college. Some part of Sam was in denial, pretending that Dean would be pleased with his need to leave the family business but reality was much colder. On his sixteenth birthday Sam had expected to order a pizza and receive an apology phone call from his lover. Instead a brand new hunting knife and a note apologizing, clearly written in a woman's handwriting, met him. Sam was just glad his brother sent him a gift, even if he had wanted something a bit romantic.

School was as always, boring and filled with information that Sam would store away in the hopes of finding it useful another day. Sam took his normal route back to the motel, dragging his feet all the way and missing the taste of Dean. It had been weeks since Sam had seen his brother and longer since had seen his father. The high tension between John and his youngest son prevented most visits. Dean, on the other hand was frequently sent home to check on Sam and ensure that the room or rented house was secure. Unlocking his door, Sam sighed heavily as he walked into the dark room, frustration swirling around in his mind. His eyes scanned the room, stopping at the bed where Dean was currently laying…naked with widespread legs.

"Dean? What are you doing here and um naked?" Sam forced his legs to stop moving in an attempt to seem a bit less excited. On the inside, Sam was jumping for joy, his stomach doing pleasant flips.

"Come on, ya don't think I'd just send you a knife and miss your sweet sixteen? What kind of boyfriend would that make me? Maybe, if I was just your brother I could get away with it. I can go if you'd like." A wide smirk pulled across Dean's lips as he stared at the already noticeable bulge in Sam's jeans.

"How long are you staying?" Sam's voice only shook a little as he considered touching Dean.

"Not too long but Dad wanted me to come and get you. You're moving to a new school." Dean smiled slightly apologetically before adding, "It is closer and I'll be able to visit more often."

"Good, I've missed you." Suddenly Sam couldn't help but throw himself into Dean's arms, inhaling the familiar scent of his brother.

"God, I've missed you so fucking much Sammy. I've missed kissing you; I've missed touching you, fucking you. I have a gift for you."

"A gift?" Sam practically bounced on the bed, pulling away from Dean's naked form. "You mean besides being naked?"

"I thought we might try something new."

"New?" Sam's voice trembled as he considered having Dean in _any _way let alone in a _new _way.

"You remember how you asked me if you could ever top and I said no? I changed my mind."

"I…your going to let me fuck you?" Sam stared at his brother, his mouth hanging slightly open.

"If you want, yes." Dean smiled, leaning in to briefly brush their lips together.

"I…what if I'm not good at it?" Sam's eyes shifted to the floor, a flood of sudden anxiety washing over him.

"Sam, I know it will be fine. If you don't want to we can wait but I'd like to give it a try, hell I even prepped myself already." Dean grinned as Sam's eyes shot up, lust burning in his hazel eyes.

Sam moved quickly, his lips crashing against his brother's, tongue sweeping into his mouth as he pressed their bodies against each other. Dean began to pull Sam from his clothes, tossing the offending items in random directions. When at last Sam was nude and hovering over Dean, his length pressing against his brother's cheeks, he couldn't help but once again feel insecure. Lips crashing together again, Dean kissed away the worry lines, his hips rolling up to meet Sam's.

"Do it." The words were simple and yet Sam's hips were set into motion, his dick pushing past the tight ring of muscle. Sinking in inch-by-inch Dean's body took all of Sam, tightening like a clasp around him. Kissing in between Dean's shoulder blades, tongue lapping at the splatter of freckles. When Sam finally felt Dean relax he pulled his hips back, snapping forward in a quick motion. Each thrust Sam felt his connection with his brother strengthen, muttered "I love you"s and deep moans filling the room. In an instant it was over, come covering the motel sheets and filling Dean.

"Happy birthday, Sam. Love you."

XOXO

Walking into school, Sam couldn't help but grin, feeling like a new man. His brother had finally given over the deepest part of him, all boundaries were finally broken. With a slight skip in his step as he pushed through the crowd, Sam stood out. Unlike most days he smiled at everyone, practically manic with happiness Sam didn't see the drink above his head until the cold liquid washed over him.

"What the fuck?" Sam spat, turning around to face a large group of upper classmen.

"Fag, get the fuck out of my school." The one holding the cup spat, his face mere inches from Sam's.

"What are you talking about?" Sam shook his head, pretending to be confused.

"Look I was at the motel where you love last night, and I saw your brother walk into your room. I didn't think anything of it until I heard two men having sex. You incestuous pig."

Sam had never really considered his peers discovering the truth of his relationship with his brother, but now as it happened he couldn't help but wonder if it was worse than his father discovering his relationship. After all, his father saw gruesome events every day of his life; incest was the least of his problems. These students, however, were more concerned with the prom queen than the monster in the closet. Taking a deep breath, Sam forced a laugh before finally speaking.

"Look, my brother put on this bullshit porn, a gag birthday gift." Sam shrugged, praying he wasn't sweating.

"Yeah? Well, the curtain had a crack and I need to gouge my eyes out. If there was porn you must have been recording it." The guy stared at Sam, all humor gone. "I wouldn't care if you were gay but incest…it is illegal."

"I'm not fucking my brother." Sam chewed the inside of his lip, pleading with his eyes for the boy to drop the subject.

"I'm warning you, we don't tolerate this kind of shit. You better just move to a new school, hell a new town and bring you fucking problems with you."

(A/N: I really need a beta, so if you are interested message me.)


	4. Chapter 4

Sam's frustration with his school had peaked by the time he reached lunch; it seemed that the entire school was buzzing with news of the incestuous brothers. Sam grew sick of the constant stares and the way each classroom would fall silent the moment he crossed the threshold. The rumor was beyond annoying and it bothered Sam that for once it wasn't a lie. Having his illegal love life put under a microscope was not a comfortable situation, and it became even more awkward as he walked into the cafeteria, a million eyes on him. Sam moved into the line as quickly as he could, his eyes locked on the floor in front of him.

"Fag." Sam had heard the name enough times for an entire lifetime, the sneer and forced gags constantly swirling around him as those in line backed away from his tainted presence. Sam was damn near walking way from the entire situation when a voice behind him silenced the whispers.

"Why don't you all fuck off?" The boy's voice was thick with venom, his eyes dark and smeared with dark makeup. Even his lips were covered in black, glowing against the pale of his skin.

"Uh, thanks." Sam smiled softly, not sure whether he should be glad or afraid of the boy.

"No problem, gotta keep the rumors in line or they will swallow you whole." Once again Sam couldn't help but stare at the boy, taking in the black bondage pants and the tight black shirt with a band logo across the front. All around the boy was cute, his wavy black hair and pierce lips completing the nearly vampiric look.

"Yeah, well it is all a bit much." Sam shrugged as he grabbed a bowl of pasta and drink, his eyes drifting amongst the crowd for a place to sit.

"Why don't you sit with us, I know that 'pandas' of the school have a bad rep but at this point I think yours is worse." The boy even threw in air quotes before grabbing his lunch, "I'm Kyle by the way, Kyle Gallner, and I am positive if you ask around enough you will find a rumor that I sleep in a coffin and practice necrophilia."

"Ah, so they caught you too." Sam couldn't help but laugh at Kyle's facial expression. "I'm kidding."

"Yeah, well love is love I suppose." Kyle smiled, as though he knew exactly how true the rumor was.

The gothic group was surprisingly nice, intense makeup apparently had very little to do with personality. Sam easily fit in with the group of rejects, eventually allowing himself to relax and forget the events surrounding his acceptance at the table. It came easily until a splash of cold liquid was dumped over his head; the milk came splashing down his hair, covering most of his shirt before dripping slowly onto his pants. Sam couldn't help the tears that filled his eyes and the instant anger that filled his blood. Pushing the tears away, Sam focused on the burning anger inside. Suddenly he found himself standing, his fingers clenched into tight fists. Sam did what came as second nature; he fought. Throwing the boy in front of him onto the table Sam let his fists speak what his tongue was unable. Each clash of flesh filled the room with disgusting packing sounds, the boy bellow his practically drowning on his own blood before Sam finally let his fists still.

XOXO

When Dean had been called to the principles office he had screamed at the man for punishing Sam for self-defense, when Dean had seen the damage Sam had done to the boy's face he shook his head sadly, disappointment filling his eyes. The ride home was filled with silence, tears streaming down Sam's face and yet he couldn't help but feel relieved that he wouldn't be forced to attend school again for another three days. Each time Dean's eyes flickered over, Sam felt as though he would die from the clenching in his heart. He could deal with an entire school hating him, he could deal with a scratch on his perfect record but he couldn't deal with that look on his lover's face. Sam couldn't handle Dean looking like he wanted to yell at Sam for defending their love.

"Dean, they found out about us." Sam let his eyes drift to the window, anywhere but Dean's eyes. "And so you broke a kid's nose and practically pulverized his face? Sam, it was just milk. I don't see why you couldn't just let it go." Dean's voice was filled with not anger but sad acceptance and sharp disappointment.

"Because it was like everyone was judging me for loving you."

"Did you ever stop to think that they are right? We are fucked up Sam, even dad wouldn't understand this." Dean pulled the car into the parking lot of the motel, shutting the car off before practically throwing his door open.

Sam simply followed, knowing better than to argue with his brother. A part of him knew that Dean was right; another part of him insisted that defending his love was not wrong. Confusion and angst began to set in, a tight knot settling in his stomach. Walking into the room, Sam let his long body fall onto the bed, landing with a soft thud. The tears flowed freely, every part of Sam wanted to crawl onto his brother's bed and press their bodies together. Instead he simply closed his eyes and forced away the images of an angry mob that instantly formed in his mind.

"Sam, I can't do this anymore." The words came out of nowhere and suddenly Sam felt as though he couldn't breathe, his world crashing around him. "Did you hear me?" Sam's eyes lifted to stare at his brother, a fresh wave of tears rushing down his face. Every part of Sam felt broken and damaged, as though Dean had just taken his very life force.

"Of course I heard you Dean, I'm just trying to swallow the feeling of my heart shattering." The words came out bitter, his voice cracking as though it was painful just to speak.

"Sammy, this is for the best. I think you need a healthier relationship, one that won't turn the entire school against you." Dean's voice was quieter than usual, his typical confidence almost completely gone.

"I don't want to live without you." The words spilled free of his lips without any permission.

"We are brothers, you'll never have to live without me...we will just go back to only being brothers."

"Dean, I'm in love with you. Only you, it has always been only you and I don't think I can go back to pretending I don't want to touch you."

"I just can't Sam. I can't risk you being turned against by an entire school; I can't risk you nearly hospitalizing a kid for pouring milk on you. I could really loose you and it just isn't worth the risk."

"What you're tryin' to say, Dean, is that I am not worth the risk." The words felt heavy on his tongue, the flood of tears saving Sam from having to look at his brother.

"You've always been worth it; I just won't let you change. I want you to stay the sweet, smart boy that-"

"That you raised me to be. Without you I won't be able to think, and I certainly don't want to be sweet for anyone else."

"In time you'll feel different."

"Dean, I will never love anyone but you. Loving you is like trying to survive a tidal wave; it destroys everything you've ever known and what is left is all you have."

(A/N Special thanks to my beta, MrsTripTucker, who was amazing and edited and helped me make my story a bit more bearable 3)


	5. Chapter 5

Sam had wondered briefly if it was possible to feel as disconnected from the world as he did. All sensations were dulled in the after shocks of Dean's words, and even using all of his brain power, Sam still assumed that Dean would return to him. Every part of Sam was connected to his brother, every part of him longed to pull the man in and crash their lips together. When days finally began to pass Sam began to feel the numb slip away, replaced with mind numbing pain. Dean's lips haunted Sam's dreams, a constant reminder of the sin he had so willingly committed, the sin that had defined his existence only days before.

School was dreadful, filled with terrible nicknames and a constant sense of hostility. Dean had promised to attempt to free him of the hell he was forced to attend five days a week but like most things, hunting came first. A new case in the next town over had quickly captured Dean's attention, almost as though he had been looking for an excuse to leave Sam's presence. Images of Dean giving over the deepest part of him were fleeting, quickly replaced by the look on his face as he ended Sam's world. Walking around the chilled hallways, Sam avoided the stares and ignored the whispers. His reputation was beyond trashed; even the teachers were quick to escape his presence. A new nickname had been thrown around, always causing Sam to cringe as random voices screamed, "wincest".

"Sammy, just go home and fuck your brother. We don't want to deal with having to think about your sin, and with that kicked-puppy dog expression it is hard not to imagine who put it there." Somehow, it had become common knowledge that his own brother, only adding to the commotion, had dumped Sam. The truth of the matter was that his school longed for any excuse to tease him.

"I would if I could but honestly I need to keep my grades up so I can leave this hell as soon as possible." Sam shrugged, his voice flat and his eyes dead.

"Well hurry the fuck up and move out of my town." The boy shoved past Sam, pushing him with an outstretched arm into a locker.

The encounter was nothing new; he had even suffered at the hands of teachers, yet he did not feel the urge to fight back. The chorus of voice around him, all screaming his sin, had become the voice of reason. Each chant of "wincest" was another slap, pushing him away from his family. After the first few weeks Sam had finally stopped feeling a whisper of Dean's hand on his arm, the soft caress as their bodies melted together. After weeks without a phone call, Sam began to wonder if the envelopes, left by John or Dean, were to pay for his expenses or to pay for his silence.

"Samuel Winchester?" A voice stirred Sam from his visions of Dean slipping an envelope of money into his room and leaving without a word to his once lover.

"Yes?" His voice sounded foreign even to him, the tone too flat to belong to any human.

"I would like to talk to you. I am Officer Collins." The man smiled, his blue eyes shinning brightly against his pale skin. For the first time Sam's eyes flickered at the man's appearance, taking in the uniform and badge.

"How can I help you, sir?"

"Well, it seems you have quite the reputation and I wanted to ask you a few questions." The officer nodded towards an office marked 'Resource Officer', Sam let his legs pull him into the room while his mind shut down. "I need to ask you some personal questions, and I know it may be difficult to talk about but-"

"It is all lies. I am not sleeping with my brother. Someone misinterpreted a situation and decided to confront me. In turn, the entire school began to spread the lies."

"Are you sure, Sam? You wouldn't be in trouble. After all, you are underage, and sexual abuse within the family is not unheard of." The officer smiled once again, his lips pulled thin and looking strained.

"My brother and I are simply that, brothers. I am surprised you let the rumors get the best of you. If I needed help I would ask for it. At the moment the only help I need is against the rumors and my reputation, both of which you were more than willing to believe." Sam shook his mess of brown hair out of his eyes, his hazel eyes practically burning into the piercing blue eyes before him. "I think you need to take a break from high school, Officer Collins, before it gets the best of you. After all, you wouldn't want to get caught up in the luxury of lies."

"The luxury of lies? Sam, this is not the type of reputation that is a luxury for anyone to believe." Concern lined the man's eyes, frail lines etched across his fine skin.

"Anything is better than the truth, after all the truth is boring, often painful, and always lacking. Compared to the colorful rumors about me, it all seems a bit mundane." Sam shook his head slightly, letting his hair once again block his eyes.

"What is the truth?"

"The truth is that I am a boring high school boy, focusing on his grades in an attempt to escape the blue collar life in my future. I am sick of helping people, I just want to focus on myself for a while and I think the school is more than willing to give me space. I would appreciate it if you could give me the same respect."

"Samuel, it is unhealthy to cut yourself off from the world."

"I am not cut off, I have my family." Sam lied easily, the once true words slipping off his tongue with ease. "Can I please go?"

"Of course, Mr. Winchester."

"Try not to focus on reputations. After all, they are often lies." Or in Sam's case they rang too true and had a tendency to ruin his life.


	6. Chapter 6

The choice to run for student council had been difficult, but somehow Sam felt that he needed to continue moving forward. He already knew he would not win, and he actually felt relieved. Still, he felt the urge to show the student body that their words were not painful and in fact made no difference to him. Another part of Sam wanted revenge, to lock the bastards in a room with a hellhound. As Election Day neared and the taunting began to increase it took all of his self control not to crawl back to his Brother, to beg him to make everything better. Instead of crawling back into the arms he craved, Sam simply stepped forward to the podium and began his speech.

"Hello, I am Samuel Winchester, although I am willing to bet you all know me already. An alleged affair with your brother can do that, before you know it every student in school knows your name. I figured "hell, if I am ever going to have a chance to win an election I might as well try in the school where they know my name". I am sure everyone here is curious about the facts concerning the night in question and I am going to lay it to you straight. I was with a man, but it was not my brother. This man may have had the same build but he was nowhere near as annoying, in fact he had very little in common with my brother at all. The man I was with was sweet and gentle, two traits my brother does not posses. Now that we have cleared up those facts, I would just like to make a simple promise to you; if I am elected class president I swear that there will be no incest, wincest and generally no sexual associations occurring with Winchester's."

Sam walked slowly back to his seat, the audience dead silent and all eyes remaining firmly on him, even as the next candidate took the stage. A small part was sad that Dean was not around to hear the speech, to understand that Sam did not get along with him. Having Dean as a brother often entailed pranks and insults whereas having him as a lover was gentle and loving. They could not compare, and really Sam had not lied when he made his speech. The silence remained until a dull applause was made for his running mate, the sound echoing through the large gym. It was announced that voting would take place during lunch and that the winner would be announced the next morning. A roar as the crowd all began to speak all at once, a thousand "Sam Winchester's" and "wincest" s filling the air followed dismissal. Sam almost wondered if he would win the election purely because he had stepped into the limelight.

"Sam?" Kyle stared at him, eyes smeared with perfect lines of kohl.

"Yeah?" Sam smiled as he hoped off the stage to join the boy on the gym floor.

"I just wanted you to know that it was brave announcing to the school that you're gay." Kyle's eyes flickered to the floor for a moment, his breath hitching. "I'm gay so I know what it is like…coming out to everyone. Actually, I pretty much went through the same thing you did until the rumor about you started."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that," Sam smiled sadly, his eyes apologetic.

"Yeah, well listen, I was wondering if you would be willing to hang out after school." Kyle's blue eyes once gain fell to the floor, his hands nervously twiddling.

"Sure, your house or my motel room?" Sam laughed at Kyle's facial expression, a mix between confusion and intrigue.

"Uh, well I suppose your motel room…" Kyle smiled; his lip ring glinting in the bright lights and for a moment Sam imagined kissing those painted lips.

"I'll meet you by the flag pole after school." Sam smiled again as he caught Kyle's eyes flicker down his body.

XOXO

Sam had spent most of lunch sitting at his appointed seat at the candidate table, dealing with a million eyes all watching his every move. By the time the bell rang, he was practically running to his next class. The day passed quickly, Sam's mind far away as he imagined his afternoon activities. Sam had only ever wanted to be with Dean. In fact, he had never really considered dating another guy. By the time he found himself standing under the American flag, Sam had all kinds of knots filling his stomach. Kyle was easy to spot amongst the crowd, a black dot against a rainbow, an easy smile gracing his lips as he caught Sam openly staring.

"Hey," Sam couldn't help but blush and let his hair fall into his eyes.

"Ready?" Kyle appeared to be a thousand times more relaxed, his eyes glinting mischievously.

"Sure, let's go. It is only a short walk."

"Let's just take my car" Kyle nodded in the direction of the parking lot before practically dragging Sam by the hand.

Kyle's car was a typical four-door sedan, clean and smelled faintly of coffee. Sam felt slightly awkward sliding into the plush seats, feeling out of place and suddenly missing lounging in the backseat of the impala with Dean. Sam pushed memories of the smell of leather and cold air hugging his body as he rode his brother in the backseat. The silence that filed the car was not unbearable, intention filling the air as Kyle's eyes shifted to stare at Sam's crotch. Suddenly, Sam felt self conscious and unsure of himself. He had only ever been exposed to the person who loved him most, the one who had witnessed the making of nearly every scar on his body. Sam practically jumped out of the car as it pulled to a stop, relieved to escape the tension.

"We don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with." The words shook Sam from his thoughts, his eyes snapping up to look at Kyle.

"I know. I'm just…well I want to." Sam forced his legs to move, pulling him to the door. Sighing, Sam pulled his key out of his pocket, the familiar clicks allowing him entrance. "Come on in."

Kyle followed close behind Sam, his hands slipping under the boy's shirt. A soft gasp came from Sam's mouth, his body instantly leaning into the touch as he relaxed. Turning around slowly, Sam licked his lips before leaning in to slant his lips over Kyle's, the ring pressing gently against his lip. Running his tongue over the cool metal, Sam let out a small moan. Kyle's mouth opened slightly, his tongue snaking out to dance with Sam's as their bodies pressed close together.

"Well, that is just fucking lovely Sam." The voice came from the corner of the room, Dean's eyes wide as he stared at his brother.

"Dean? What the hell are you doing here?" Sam fought the temptation to pull his body away from Kyle's, to rush to Dean and beg for forgiveness. "Kyle, I need to talk to Dean outside for a moment. It'll only be gone a second."

Sam leaned in to brush his lips softly against Kyle's, and if it was simply to see the crushed look on Dean's face, well Kyle would never know the difference. Walking out the door, Sam turned around just in time to witness Dean's glare at Kyle. As soon as the door was closed Sam felt hollow, unable to summon the strength needed to tell Dean to leave, unable to ask for an explication.

"Dad sent me to check on you." The words were simple enough but practically spat and filled with venom. "Seems you are just fine."

"Dean you left me, you left me to face the bed we made love on and you left me to face an entire school alone." Tears welled in Sam's eyes, the hazel clouded with emotion.

"I left because it is what is right. Don't act like it isn't fucking killing me too, Sammy. It is so hard to bring you cash and leave before you get home. It tears me apart when I think about you spending all your time alone, and you know what? The image of you eagerly kissing goth boy will haunt me for the rest of my life." Dean's green eyes were practically glowing in the afternoon light, tears streaming down his face. Sam couldn't help but gasp at the tears, and the thick emotion in his brother's voice. "Look, I'll tell dad your fine. I'll see you when school ends."

Sam nodded simply, watching his brother turn his back on him for the second time. Every part of him ached and burned as he felt the cold hand of rejection again, his entire life getting into a classic car and driving away. Sam stood outside for a few moments, collecting himself before pulling the door open. Without a word he walked up to Kyle, once more pressing their lips together. Kissing the boy deeply, Sam pushed the black shirt up the stark white skin. A smooth expanse of skin came into view and Sam greedily slid his fingers along it, briefly noting that the skin differed from Dean's before pushing away the pain. Sam let his hand slide lower, his fingers fumbling with the clasp on the tight jeans. Finally freeing the button, Sam pushed the boy's pants down to pool around his ankles.

Hands snaked up his body, ridding him of clothing as they went. Sam gasped slightly as Kyle's fingers ghosted over his rigid shaft, his body rocking into the touch. Pushing Kyle's boxers down to join his pants, Sam fisted along the hard flesh. Once again he thought of Dean, the difference in size and thickness, pain pulsing through his veins. Sam forced away thoughts of his brother, knowing they would only serve to ruin his moment and take revenge. Touching Kyle was like slapping Dean, punishing him for all of the pain he caused. It made Sam ache to think of his brother in pain, but Kyle's touch was warm and comforting. Sam could only whimper as Kyle freed himself of his pooling clothes, pushing Sam onto the bed and staring openly at his body.

"Can I fuck you?" the words hung in the air, hungry eyes practically violating Sam. A small nod was the only reassurance that Sam could give and he knew without a doubt that it would only be a fuck; he had nothing more he could give.

Sam moved to bend over the bed, his ass in the air and inviting Kyle. He motioned weekly to the bedside table, and sighed as he heard Kyle rip a condom open. Suddenly hands were on him, stroking down his back before cupping his ass. A cool finger rubbed against his entrance and Sam moaned softly as he imagined Dean gently pushing inside of him. He was hardly aware of the keening sounds falling from his lips, or the lack of fingers inside him. Sam was far away, in a world where Dean would fuck him hard into the mattress and then lovingly caressing him. A sudden feeling of being full shook Sam from the images, Kyle pushing past the tight ring. Sinking balls deep, the boy moaned softly against Sam's ear. It all felt wrong and it all killed Sam until he once again returned to the perfect abyss of his mind.

Sam let his eyes fall closed, imagining Dean fisting him while he buried himself deep within Sam. Each time Kyle pushed deep inside, stretching him, Sam felt Dean. Dean touching and pulling him along until with a small whimper Sam came, come wetting the bedding. Sam felt sudden heat and then all too soon Kyle was pulling out of him, lying limply next to him on the mattress. Sam was at a loss of words and decided to just let his eyes drift closed and his mind once more join Dean. When he opened his eyes Kyle was gone and he couldn't help but feel utterly alone.

((A/N Thanks again to my beta, MrsTripTucker! I have really been loving all of the reviews! They help keep me motivated and always make me do fangirl dances!)


	7. Chapter 7

Sam felt broken, his ass aching and his mind still swirling with the image of Dean walking away. The disappointment and pain in Dean's eyes was haunting him, the hot water of the shower doing nothing to wash away his self-disgust. Hurting a lover was always painful, but hurting your brother and having to watch him walk away with a broken facial expression was just too much. By the time Sam was walking to school he could think of nothing but Dean, of his future without those arms to pull him close. It would always be Dean that Sam craved, he would never truly love another but the prospect of being alone scared him, propelled him to search for Kyle.

The boy was easy enough to find amongst the crowd, his perfect blue eyes lifting to meet Sam's as soon as he neared, an easy smile tugging on his lips. In an instant, Kyle was wrapping his arms around Sam, pulling their bodies close together. Sam felt a small kiss pressed to the base of his neck, the feeling of breath sending shivers down his spine.

"Congratulations," Sam shivered as the words and breath ran down his neck.

"For what?" He was whispering, his hands clinging to Kyle's leather jacket…to the familiar feeling and memories of Dean that it brought.

"You won the election, you're class president. They announced it right before you got here. Come on, your suppose to get your picture taken for the yearbook." Kyle pulled away from the embrace, lacing his fingers with Sam's.

"I…won? Why?" Sam couldn't help the look of surprise; he had never intended to win.

"Well, I don't think anyone knew the other kid that ran, and you know the saying: bad publicity is better than no publicity." Kyle shrugged as he led Sam in the direction of the journalism room, a thousand eyes fixed on their laced fingers.

"People are staring." Sam pointed out, a small frown pulling his lips down.

"Let them. I mean, I am dating the most infamous guy in school." Kyle grinned as he bumped their shoulders together.

Sam let his legs and Kyle's gentle pulls lead him in the right direction, his mind fixating on Kyle's words. Every part of dating anyone but Dean felt deeply wrong; it went against the fiber of Sam's being. A fuck was not a relationship and there had been no love or affection involved. They were hardly friends with benefits, and yet, they were now dating. Sam felt as though he were cheating on Dean, like he was the one walking away and letting go. After all, Dean could have been returning to beg for forgiveness only to find Sam with another boy. It was all a mess and as Sam stared into the camera he couldn't force a smile, his lips tugged down in a deep frown. Sam didn't care that he looked unhappy in his picture, he didn't care that Kyle looked put out about his lack of enthusiasm, and he certainly didn't care that the wincest rumors were finally ending. The rumors had become a part of Sam, a wonderful land where everyone knew, and even though they didn't understand, it made things easier. When they had finally let it go, it was as though Sam was forced to let Dean go.

Sam hated the new positive attention. He hated that everything could change so easily around him while Sam's life remained empty. Without Dean, he could find no meaning, he could no longer connect the dots to understand how events occurred. Life was a random set of events, all equaling sorrow and heartbreak. Kyle's warm hand on his couldn't pull him back from the place his mind had settled, the place where Dean would smile and lean in to brush their lips together. Dean was his safe haven and Kyle was simply the devil on his shoulder. It was amazingly easy to choose his sin with Dean over his sin with Kyle.

XOXO

Lunch was buzzing, a thousand claps on Sam's back and a million congratulations. It all amounted to nothing; Sam was nothing. School ended as it did everyday, and Sam allowed Kyle to drive him home. Sloppy kisses were shared in the front seat before Sam finally pulled away, claiming to have homework. It all felt too wrong, and as Sam walked into his motel room he felt a sense of Déjà Vu. Dean was sitting on the bed, staring at the stain from Sam's come the night before, his eyes red rimmed and tears streaming down his perfect skin.

"You let him fuck you." There was no question, just pure emotion.

"You left me again. I let someone numb the pain." Sam's words felt foreign, too cold to be spoken to Dean.

"Sammy, I…I've always loved you and I've always needed you. I just can't do this anymore…I can't watch a million people stare at us…hit on us without wanting to scream that you are mine. You know what else I can't do? I can't watch you fuck some panda with too much makeup on, I just won't. Sammy, I…this is over. I'm done playing games like a child. We are just brothers and I think we both need to forget that we were ever something more." Dean's words were spoken with a deep voice, thick with emotion. His eyes were dull by the end of his outburst, as though forgetting their nights together had literally stolen his will to live.

"Don't leave me, De. I need you." Sam fell to his knees at Dean's feet, his arms latching around his brother's calves. "I can't live without you."

"You don't have to, we will always be brothers." Dean's hand ran through Sam's hair, while Sam's head fell to rest on Dean's knees.

"I miss feeling you touch me, I miss sneaking kisses, I miss the smell of your leather jacket and I miss the way your hands feel rough against my skin. Dean, I miss everything, I miss the way you used to just look at me while dad and I fought. You would look at me like I was the only person in the world, like it was just us."

Dean closed his eyes, refusing to accept that Sam's tears were soaking through his pant leg, that he had caused those tears. Instead he simply allowed his hand to continue playing with Sam's hair, the silk strands reminding him of better days. A part of Dean wanted to hit himself, to protect Sam from the pain he was causing. Another, bigger part of Dean understood that Sam needed a normal life, he needed a lover he could hold hands with in public. He needed something to be proud of.

"I miss you too." Dean opened his eyes and looked down, staring at the only person in the world who mattered to him.

"Stay with me, please?" Sam was begging and he didn't care, he had no sense of pride and just enough sense to know that Dean was the only thing that actually mattered.

"No, Sam. It is over." Dean forced the words out as he pulled himself to his feet, hardly aware of anything but the shards of glass exploding in his chest.

"Just…stay with me one last time? I just want to feel you inside of me again." Sam's hands desperately pulled at the clasp on Dean's jeans, pulling the zipper down slowly as he stared up at his brother.

"Sammy, it will only make things harder." Dean could feel his resistance slipping, his need to comfort Sam winning over.

"Just one time, Dean. I need this, God just make love to me." Sam was pulling desperately on Dean's jeans, tugging them down and palming at the already forming bulge.

"One last time, Sammy. Then this ends." Dean wasn't sure if he was lying or if he could actually summon the strength to leave again.

(A/N: Special thanks to MrsTripTucker (who by the way has a great Supernatural song fic published, which everyone should read… .net/s/6290148/1/Just_Like_You ) for editing ANOTHER chapter 3)


	8. Chapter 8

Sam slid his way up Dean's body, relishing the familiar sensation of Dean's lips pressing against his own. Licking his way into his brother's mouth, Sam couldn't help but whimper, a thousand memories and the endless expanse of time without Dean stretching out before him. All he could do was slip his hand under Dean's shirt, memorizing the hard lines of muscle and silky skin. Each roll of his hips against Dean's sent waves through him, his hands slipping away from his brother to push his pants and briefs away. Dean's hands tugged away Sam's shirt, his own skin already nude and inviting. Without a word Sam pushed Dean to the bed, his eyes sad as he crawled on top of his brother. Sam wanted to feel the pain; he wanted to feel Dean inside of him long after he had left. Sliding down without preparation he let Dean slide inside of him, gasping at the familiar burn and stretch.

Pain blurred his vision as his brother bottomed out, Sam's hands scratching painfully against the man's chest. Pausing briefly, Sam let his body adjust to the invasion before he began to roll his hips. A stray tear slipped from Sam's eye as he stared down at his brother, all too lost in sensation to notice. Small whimpers and moans falling from two pairs of lips as the world crashed, both boys seeing stars at the same moment as Dean filled Sam. Falling limply to his brother's chest, Sam sobbed until his eyes slipped closed, Dean's hand resting on his back.

XOXO

Part of Sam wondered if it had all been a dream, but the familiar pain and sticky trails dripping down his legs told him otherwise. Even with the knowledge that school was calling, Sam stayed in bed. Closing his eyes he drifted away, imagining the familiar fingertips against his chest, hoping that the painful thud of his heart would stop. Slipping away once again, Sam let go of consciousness.

A knock on the door pulled Sam from peace, his eyes fighting to stay closed against the cruel light shining in through the window. Another knock called to Sam, finally forcing him to wrap a sheet around his waist. The walk to the door was painful; breathing was painful. Living without Dean was worse than dying. Sam pulled the door open, just wide enough to stare into the bewildered eyes of Kyle. Pain flashed across the boys face as he took in Sam's appearance, understanding suddenly sinking in.

"You…you are in love with your brother aren't you?" Kyle's voice shook slightly, his eyes flickering to the floor.

"Just…come in so I can explain." Sam felt guilt suddenly wash through him, he had just cheated and it didn't even occur to him until hours later.

Kyle stepped into the room, a frown pulling his lips down as he took in the shape of the room. The bed was practically town apart, clothes were scattered everywhere and the room reeked of sex and sorrow. Kyle simply leaned against the wall and slid to the floor, confusion and hurt crossing his features again. Finally looking over at Sam, he stared briefly, a million emotions flickering through the crystal blue eyes.

"Tell me something, was I the other man…or did you cheat on me?" Kyle's voice was level, void of all emotion.

"I think you were the other man. It…it has always been Dean. Even when we aren't together he is the one I belong to. I'm sorry, Kyle." Sam wasn't sure if he was actually sorry or if it was simply to make the boy before him feel better.

"I…somehow I kind of knew when I saw him before we had sex. I shouldn't have gone through with it…but well, I like you."

"I know and I took advantage of you. I just didn't want to feel the pain anymore…I needed something to take my mind off of everything." Sam moved over to Kyle, careful to wrap the sheet tight around his waist.

"Funny thing is I actually came to see if you wanted to go to the dance with me tonight. I even brought you a flower, I'm that gay." Kyle laughed as he held up his hand, a perfectly dried red rose resting in his fingers.

"I'm so sorry, God I am such a dick." Sam knew that this time he actually meant it, he was sorry for hurting the sweet boy beside him.

"I'm sorry that you're in pain, and that I can't take it away." Kyle's words hung in the air, adding to the sorrow.

"Go to the dance with me? I'm not ready to date but I would really love to be your friend."

"Is he going to come back?" Kyle's smile looked forced, his eyes still sad.

"No, he isn't coming home to me." The words were too easy too say, hardly conveying the real meaning and the effect.

"I want to be friends and I do want to go to the dance with you but I just…I still like you. I still want to be that one person you run to." Kyle let the dried flower slip onto Sam's lap, a deep red petal falling off.

"I can't offer you much. I'm hardly a person at all. I'm so fucking broken." Sam felt familiar tears welling in his eyes as he thought about Dean.

"Let me try and put the pieces back together? Even if you're a dismembered puzzle I can still fit some of it together." Kyle leaned in to press his lips against Sam's cheek, before he pulled himself from the ground. "I'll pick you up at seven for the dance."

XOXO

Sam couldn't help but sigh as he stared at his reflection in the mirror; a thousand painful memories were pushed away as he slipped into Dean's old shirt. Sam had borrowed the shirt weeks before they broke up, his attempt at looking cool. The shirt was like most things, a painful reminder of what he had once upon a time, but in truth, Sam was willing to face the pain if it allowed him to feel close to Dean. Summoning all of his strength, Sam walked away from the mirror, leaving his memories behind. Kyle was dressed in his typical black attire, a small smile greeting Sam as he slid into the front seat. A comfortable silence fell around them as the street lights flew by in a blur, much like life, everything was fleeting.

Loud music and crowds greeted them at the school, girls in short skirts and boys openly staring. For a moment, Sam wondered if that would be his life someday, if he would ever fall in love with a stunning girl. Mostly, he wondered if the pain that was clenching down on his heart would ever fade away into simple acceptance. Pulling himself from the car, Sam let Kyle take his hand and lead him through the crowd. The dance floor was a mass of sweating hormones and Sam instantly wanted to run. Kyle simply pulled him along until they reached a small table with a black mass crowding around it. Taking a seat next to Kyle and a girl with more makeup on than Marilyn Manson, Sam felt empty. A long time ago he had imagined Dean taking him to prom in some town where no one knew of their relation. He had always pictured soft music and simple dancing as they glided across the floor. He also had expected his brother to taunt him for months after, calling him a girl or a bitch. The realization that everything had changed without Dean shook Sam, knots forming in his stomach.

Suddenly it was all too much for Sam, the bass was too loud, the crowd was far too happy and the ache in his ass reminded him constantly of Dean. Sam just wanted to crawl in bed and die, or to find his brother and beg him to just stay. Logically, Sam had already tried begging and it had only ended up breaking open the wound. Suddenly on his feet and moving as fat as he could from the room, Sam didn't bother to wonder if Kyle was in pain. Reality was too empty without Dean, a part of Sam was willing to simply lie down and simply forget the world. Death at least brought a sweet escape from the ever-present pain.

(A/N: Thank you MrsTripTucker. Also, three chapters are left of this story… reviews make me happy, thank you to everyone who has given one.)


	9. Chapter 9

There was something almost perfect about the ending of Sam's day- perhaps it was the glistening of the sun behind perfectly shaped clouds, or the way that everything seemed to shine in the bright light. It was all the opposite of his emotional state, and it seemed to mock him as he walked slowly across the cement trail. The impala was leering from the curb, a sad smile on Dean's face as he watched pain flicker across Sam's features. John, oblivious as ever, had his typical cold features, unaware of the torment his son had endured. For a moment, Sam wanted to stay with the people who had taunted and teased him; at least they knew the truth, or some adaptation of it. Once he was in the impala, Sam knew that everything would return to the tension filled world of make believe; a world where monsters existed and heroes suffered in the name of all that is good. Sam hated that world, he longed for the world that he was being pulled from, the world where everything was simple and monster free. He envied every person in the school, every boy and girl who fell in love and ran away together. Sam would never be normal.

The doors of the impala groaned as he pulled himself into his home, the smell of leather and the sounds of The Blue Oyster Cult filling the air. Dean turned to stare at Sam, a sad kind of acceptance filling his eyes and dulling them. Years later, Sam would remember this as the moment where Dean changed and shifted into the cold man he would become. As Sam turned away, staring out the window at the glistening windows and the almost institution like setting of it all. High school was simply another madhouse, turning out a million sane people and letting them loose on the world. The familiar tingle of tears pulled Sam from his thoughts of school, of Kyle and the things he was giving up in the name of family. Kyle, the sweet goth boy who had held his hand through all of the tears. Kyle, the closest thing to normal that Sam would ever obtain.

Sam didn't want to cry in front of his father, to let the weakness in his heart seep into his father's already cold eyes. He couldn't take that look of disappointment, the look that read perfectly "why can't you be like Dean?" Sam wanted to return to the nights where his father didn't matter, where the only thing that would ever matter was Dean's lips pressing against his own. It was all gone now, and the only thing Sam had left was his craving for anything outside the impala. A part of Sam was letting go, becoming disjointed as the school slipped from view, mile markers and trees taking its place. Sam could almost see the man he loved standing on the side of the road, gone in the blink of an eye. The man in the front seat was merely a ghost, a headstone marking where Dean had once been.

"How did you like that school, Sam? Anything interesting happen?" John's voice startled Sam, causing him to snap his eyes up to the rear view mirror.

"You have no idea." The words came from Dean, a smirk crossing his features as he stared back at Sam.

"I think it was the only place I ever fit in." Sam smiled softly, a tear sliding down his cheek without his consent, as he stared at his brother. "I feel like I lost my home."

((A/N: One chapter is left of this story…Thanks again to my beta MrsTripTucker)


	10. Chapter 10

**Epilogue **

Sam stared at the letter, his fingers shaking slightly as he read the words over and over, letting them finally settle in his mind. He had gotten into the college of his dreams, but more importantly he had found an escape from the world of the bizarre. In his hand he held almost all of his hopes and dreams, the only thing he had managed to think of since he was sixteen. College had replaced Dean, and Sam had spent the last two years perfecting his ability to block his brother from his mind. Now, as he stared down at the paper he couldn't help but sigh unhappily. Going away to Stanford would mean letting Dean go for good, it would mean he would trade in his sick version of happiness and join the real world. Sam could feel deep inside that this was his real world, that Dean had been real and their experience as real as the air he breathed. And so Sam forced away thoughts of what he had once had and focused on what he had just obtained.

"Dean?" His own voice startled him as he stared at his brother, who sat casually cleaning his guns.

"Yeah, Sammy?" To say that they were distant was an understatement.

"I need to talk to you about something." Sam shifted uncomfortably on the bed as he stared into Dean's eyes. The green bliss was breath taking, and Sam forced his eyes to drop before the tears could well.

"Okay, go ahead." Dean's words held worry and fear, his voice tight as though he were summoning up his courage.

"I got into Stanford. I'm going away to college." The words were simple enough, everything a normal family longed to hear. For Sam and Dean it meant that it was finally time to let go.

"You're…leaving? What about the family business?" Dean's voice was just a tad bit too high, his voice shaking as he stared at his little brother.

"Dean, I need to leave. I don't want to end up cold and alone like dad; I don't want to spend my life hoping that you'll come back one day. I'm sorry, but I pick normal." Sam felt tears well and travel down the familiar tracks on his skin.

"Sammy, don't do this. Dad will be really upset that you're leaving." Dean looked away, returning to his cleaning.

"This isn't about dad; it has never been about dad. You're not going to ask me to stay; you'll make up a thousand excuses before you'll admit that we had something." Sam felt his hands clench into fists, anger filling his voice and sorrow stabbing into his heart.

"What we had was fucked up and wrong. Honestly, I'm glad it is over." Sam could read Dean's lie before it ever left his lips, his posture too stiff, his voice too strained.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Dean. I think someday you'll look back and think, 'What did I let die?'"

"Sam, I think I will be more concerned with "what did I convince my brother to do?" I may have sent us both to hell, Sammy. Don't you get that?" There it was, the truth. Dean had been looking for an excuse to leave all along and some kid finding out they had fucked…well it provided more than enough reason to leave.

"Maybe we will go to hell but you know what? It was worth it; it was worth everything you've put me through. At least I have no regrets, I'm not sure you can say the same. Dean, you're a selfish fucking prick." Sam closed his eyes against the tears, blocking out the image of pain filled green eyes.

"I did this for you. I would die for you." Dean's words were spilling over with emotion, his voice cracking ever so slightly.

"And I would die to be with you." Sam shook his head as another wave of tears pushed free from his eyes and trickled down his face.

The room fell into silence, the only sounds floating away from Dean as he worked to clean his gun. It all felt too empty, too impersonal for Sam to accept. Stanford and a regular life would offer more than simply waiting around for Dean would. Sam was done waiting for the man of his dreams to wake up and realize that they were connected; fate had a plan for the brothers. Sam couldn't help but sense that he would never be free of Dean and that his love for his brother would drive him to great lengths. Sam was done waiting, but he was never going to let go of the man who had carried him off the track field, the man who had become Sam's version of a knight in shining armor. Dean would always be Sam's everything, and Sam would always simply be Dean's little brother.

FIN

(A/N: Thank you to everyone who has read this thing through and through, and to those who reviewed. I would love to know what you think of the ending. I intended this to end so that Supernatural could pick up the story line. This is my sorry attempt to explain all of the sexual tension in the show. My beta MrsTripTucker is amazing and really saved me from having some embarrassing moments. Thank you!)


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